Too Many Doses And I'm Starting To Get An Attraction

Ever since I kissed Johnny we’ve been having an affair but its been hard to see him so we can spend time together seen as he’s with the guys a lot and I’m with Jimmy a lot. But this particular night they were all going to Vegas I stayed behind because Vegas isn’t really my scene, Johnny didn’t go because he said he wasn’t in the mood. They were a little bit confused at Johnny not wanting to come with them seen as he’s always is up for a party. Jimmy tried to get me to go with him but I didn’t want to go, I’m not used to that level of craziness. After half an hour of them leaving I made my way over to Johnny’s. I knocked on the door, Johnny answered the door. When he saw me, he smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek. He reached inside and picked up his coat and when he came outside he put his arm round me and took me to his car. When we both got into the car Johnny got a piece of cloth from out of his coat and wrapped it around my eyes.

“What’s this for?”

“Gosh Johnny are you trying to get me drunk”

After we’d finished eating I laid down on the rug and looked up at the stars. It was magical. I couldn’t help but smile. Johnny mounted me and started to peck my lips. I wrapped my arms around him. After about five minuets of us making out, I glanced at Johnny’s watch and it was 2:30. I gently pushed Johnny off me.

“They’ll be getting back soon.” He looked at his watch.

When everyone staggered in they were extremely drunk. I had fallen asleep before they came in but when they did come in the made so much noise that they woke me up. Jimmy seemed to be more drunk than the others and he seemed to be a little beat up because his lip was bust and there was blood on his face. I went over to him and guided him to the couch. I was a bit hard to because his balance was really dodgy so I nearly stumbled a few times. I cleaned him up. He tried to kiss me, I turned away because I couldn’t stand the smell of stale beer. I laid Jimmy on the couch on covered him up. It took a while for me to get him to sleep but when he finally dropped off he was in a deep sleep, he looked like a little baby. I smiled and ran my hand through his hair. The others made there way to their beds. Johnny stayed downstairs.

“Err do you want to stay the night?”

“Please” I was to tired to make my way back home.

“You can share my bed with me if you want”

“No, is Jimmy’s old room still free?” It would be to risky seen as everyone was under the same room and if it were Matt to find out…well I didn’t really want to think of what might happen and I didn’t want to piss him off again, I’ve learnt not to stand up to him for my own good.

“Have you got a top that’ll be a bit big for me?”

The guys didn’t exactly go with the plan of us having a quiet do at their place. Instead they decided on going to this club. I didn’t really mind but I would have preferred a quiet do, the thing is that I don’t really like being around people who are drunk ever since I went out with my ex. Jimmy likes his drink but I don’t mind when he gets drunk because I know he isn’t going hurt me.

We were all in Matt’s car. Me, Val, Jimmy and Matt were the only ones in the car that weren’t a little bit tipsy. The guys were coming out with really random things.

We arrived at the club. Jimmy had his arm round me and so did Matt with Val. Brain and Zacky seemed very happy, they were hoping to pull some girls. Johnny looked a little down.

“What’s up Johnny?” I asked when we were near the entrance of the club.

“What was that for?”

Matt got the drinks in. Zacky and Brain started to drink their beer straight away, Johnny was playing around with the bottle.

“Come on Johnny” I said getting up.

“Your coming to dance with me”

“Why?”

“Coz you said I should enjoy myself and I can’t enjoy myself if your upset” I dragged him to the dance floor and started dancing. Johnny didn’t dance much, he wasn’t making an effort.

“For fucks sake Johnny enjoy yourself”

“What’s the point?”

“I want you to” I gave him a smile, he gave me one back.

“Thanks” We went and sat back down with Matt, Val and Jimmy. Jimmy put his arm round me. After a while Brain came up to all of us rubbing his jaw it looked a little red as well.

“What happened?”

Jimmy grabbed my by the hand a lead me to the dance floor. Jimmy placed his hands on my hips, I placed mine on his shoulders. After a while my ankle started to hurt, a lot. I stopped dancing and rubbed my ankle.

“What’s up?”

“Twisted my ankle” After I said that Jimmy picked me up bridal style and started to carry me over to our seats.

“Why?” I was a bit confused at what he was doing.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ex” I shuddered at the thought of what might happen. Tom came over to me, I started to remember what he used to do to me. Jimmy put his arm round me, I think he could tell that I was scared of Tom.

“Jimmy meet Tom, Tom meet Jimmy” I felt really uncomfortable, I just wanted him to leave.

“NO-ONE BEATS JIMMY UP” I yelled at him, I knew it was a bad move but I didn’t care seen as jimmy was in danger. Tom was a bit stunned, I dropped the remains of the bottle. Jimmy immediately took the chance to lay into him, soon Tom was on the floor. I ran off to the toilets and locked myself in a cubicle and cried. After I few minuets I heard a mans voice.

“Come on Kala lets sort you out”

“No” I shook my head.

It has been a year since me and Jimmy have been together and with the guys being guys we had to celebrate. We all had different ideas - some wanted to do something extravagant and others wanted a quiet dinner. Finally we decided on having a quiet do at the guys place seen as my place was a bit too small. Before me and Jimmy went to the guys I went out shopping to get Jimmy a present. While I was looking round, I found it hard to find something suitable to get him. I looked round in a shop and found a very expensive Cartier watch. It was in a 18k yellow gold set with diamonds, 18k yellow gold crown cover decorated with a diamond, 18k gold dial with a mother-of-pearl and jade dragon motif. It was the most expensive one in the shop.

“Would you like anything engraved on the back?”

“Umm yes please”

“What would you like?”

I thought for a bit, I wanted something to show my feeling towards Jimmy. The guy passed me a pen and a piece of paper. I wrote ‘you’re my angel of music’

“Right well I’ll be able to get it done in t he next two hours”

“Ok thanks” I paid for the watch. I came back for the watch two hours later like the guy said, I got the watch gift wrapped and headed off home.

When I got home I could smell something aromatic, I wondered into the living room and saw Jimmy wasn’t there. As my eyes skimmed the room I saw that there was a load of red roses on the coffee table, I went over to them, picked them up and smelled them but it wasn’t the roses that were giving off the smell. I placed them back down and put my bag and coat onto the couch. I went upstairs and looked round the smell became stronger. I looked in my bedroom and saw there was loads of candles and them scented sticks all around the room and Jimmy was still making everything perfect. I stayed in the doorway and watched him. He was placing things around the room and making it perfect I stood there in silence and occasionally smiled now and again. When he turned round he looked a bit shocked but smiled at me. He pulled me closer to him and spinned me round so I was in the room. I put my arms round his neck and snogged him. He pushed me up against the wall and started to rub his groin against me, I started to become horny. He started to nibble my ear, I let out a little moan. After a few minuets Jimmy put his arms round my waist and lead me over to our bed, while we going over to the bed we started to get undressed. He laid me on the bed as though I was a porcelain doll. Before he entered me he put the condom on. He was kissing the side of my neck and slowly entered me as he did I let out another little moan and I felt a little but of pain. I started to caresses his back. He moaned a little. I had my head turned to the side, Jimmy had his head in the side of my neck and nibbling my collar bone. He gently grabbed my hands and pinned them above me and started to go sort of slow, then he speeded up. I raised my legs up and wrapped my legs around Jimmy and let out a moan from the throat after a few minuets Jimmy let go of me arms, I climaxed to my full and dug my nails into his back. He let out a long moan as I did. I rolled Jimmy so I was on top of him. I started slow and speeded up my pace. After a few minuets I threw my head back. Jimmy cupped my breasts with his hands and started to rub them. I let out a moan, I went a bit faster. When Jimmy ejaculated he let out a deep moan but he was still aroused. He wrapped his hands round my waist and started to sit up but he was still inside me. He laid me onto my back, my head was hanging over the edge of the bed. As he speeded up his pace I grabbed hold of the bed sheets. He started to kiss a line down my body, I was tingling all over as he did, he reached my belly button and kissed there a few times and came back up and kissed on the lips. He laid down next to me, we were both panting. He put his arm round me and pulled me closer to him.

“Love you to” I gave him a smile. I got up and put my underwear back on - I couldn’t be bothered getting fully dressed. I went down to get Jimmy his present. When I went back up Jimmy was still laying on the bed but in his boxers.

“Close your eyes” I said with my hands behind my back.

“Just do it” He did.

“And hold out your hands” He held out his hands together, I went over to him and placed the gift in his hands and laid next to him. He opened his eyes and unwrapped the gift.

“Yes I did, look at the back” he did as I said. He did. When he read what was engraved he smiled.

“Well it’s true” I smiled at him. Jimmy leaned over and got a box out of his side cabinet he passed it to me. I opened it and saw that he got me a white gold necklace that had diamonds, rubies, pink quartz, light and dark tourmalines, yellow beryls, mandarin garnets. I was shocked that he had such an excellent taste in stuff like this.

“I would have a massive golden, 60-foot statue of Mr Burns erected somewhere in London, with a golden speech bubble encrusted in diamonds that shine ‘Exceeeeeeelllllleeeeent’.”

“Get rid of this stupid smoking ban! Actually that is the first thing I would bring in. smoking would come back and you could smoke anywhere and at any time. That ban pisses me off so much!”

“Al Gore would be the President of the USA and not George Bush. In fact I would make George Bush clean my bathroom. George Bush would be my maid!”

“I want absolute proof of what happened at Roswell so any undercover file would be published and the world would know if aliens really did land there. In fact all the classified files need to be released and a free copy should be sent to everyone! The inquest into 9/11 needs to be made public, the inquest into Diana’s death needs to be public, the inquest into Roswell…in fact, anything that has a sense of conspiracy around it - the truth needs to come out!”

“I would definitely make it so as well as running water you would have a third tap in your house that gives you free John Smith’s Extra Smooth.”

“There would be some sort of side lane that I could use so I don’t have to get stuck in traffic because traffic jams piss me off so much. The hard shoulder would become Charlie’s lane.”

“In LA they do this amazing burger! The best burger in the world! It’s called an In-N-Out burger and it’s a family - run company and loads of massive corporate companies have tried to buy it out to make it a round - the - world chain. I’m not sure that’s necessarily the best thing to do because the product would be obviously be commercialised, mass - produced, and the product of it would probably diminish if it went worldwide, but I would defiantly make them open one up in London because they are legendary!”

“I’d concentrate more on rehabilitation in prison because people who come out of prison re-offend within a couple of years. I think we should try and see things differently instead of just locking up these people up and then letting than out when their time’s done. We should spend more time trying to do what is needed to stop them offending again. There is work going into that, but I think more needs to be done. I think it’s very easy to think, ‘Fuck them, they deserve all they get‘. But I think that we should be hoping for them to come out, see that what have been doing is wrong, and never do it again. In general we should be attempting to try and remove the problem.”

“Aereogramme would be forced not to split up. They would also be contracted to make an album every year for the next hundred years.”

It has been two weeks since I’ve been out of hospital. Over the two weeks I’ve taken more antidepressants than I used to take. Jimmy doesn’t know about me taking them, he still doesn’t know I suffer from depression. Jimmy has been an angel…well even more of one.

Jimmy and I have been very depressed, well with me even more depressed than normal. I’ve never seen him like this. It made me a little bit sadder and I guessed I was making him feel the same way with him seeing me in the state I’m in as well. It feels like there is a black over hanging cloud over our heads and is getting even more monstrous by the second. Johnny had gone back to the guys, to let me and Jimmy get over everything. For some reason it feels strange not having him in the house, it feels a little empty. I’m certain that Jimmy misses the presence of Johnny as well.

Even though I didn’t know I was pregnant, I still feel empty inside. But for some reason when I was I felt a little bit different, I thought it was just a phase that I was going threw, but obviously not. We both haven’t had a lot of sleep. I still have a few bruises and still in a little bit of pain, my ribs hurt the most. I need a little bit of help coming down the stairs. Jimmy keeps making a fuss over me and is being very protective, I don’t like him doing all this because it looks like he’s trying to hard and it feels strange, I know he’s still blaming himself but it wasn’t his fault at all, but I cant help how he feels no matter how much I try and change his views.

On the odd occasion I would think of how I might have been if I didn’t loose the baby and who he or she would take after. I’m pretty sure that Jimmy would think the same thing because from time to time I see him in his own world and looking deep in thought.

I woke up that morning feeling the same as I have been. At first it was a bit strange just feeling the same thing all the time but some how I’ve got used to it but I still need a little up lifter. I looked to see where Jimmy normally sleeps and saw he wasn’t there. I was glad that he was already up because I knew he would leave me alone until I woke up and came down and I could take some antidepressants without worrying if Jimmy would wake up while I was taking them. I didn’t want him to know because I thought that he would interfere and I don’t want him to and I guess it would look sort of cowardly if he knew as well, but I’ve been like this for years and I haven’t had any one helping me so I guess I don’t need any one to start paying attention to my feelings now. The reason that no-one has sussed out anything is because I hide behind a smile and I can act like I’m just fine when I’m not. I rolled over to where my side cabinet was and opened the first drawer; I reached inside it and searched for the pill bottle without looking. I found them and took a few. For some reason when I took them I felt guilty for Jimmy not knowing, I’ve never felt like this before when I take them. I got out of bed, when I came to the stairs I decided that I would slide down the banister. I did, when I came to the bottom my judgement was a bit dodgy and I ended flying off and fell on the floor, I felt a little bit if pain but what the hell it was fun.

“Yeah” I looked up at him and grinned.

“It was fun, I want to do it again” I said like a little kid. Jimmy chuckled and helped me up. I went straight to the kitchen and got a bowl of cereal; I went and sat in the living room. Jimmy followed me. I noticed that the house needed a good clean.

Later on I was giving the house a good clean. I dunno why but I let the house get in a state then clean it, I wonder if Jimmy minds…I guess if he did he would have done something about it or he could just be polite.

While I was tiding the bedroom I came across a box hidden in my closet, it looked like it had been there for a while, collecting dust over the years. I placed it on the bed and opened the box and saw that there was a load of photographs inside, I sat on the bed and looked at them. They were pictures of when I was young with my mom, dad and brother. In most of them we were all smiling and all being a happy family. I picked up a framed photo of us all. I smiled, I started to remember what happened that day. Then an sudden feeling of rage and sadness came over me, I threw the picture at the wall and started crying. Jimmy must have heard the picture smash against the wall because he came in. When he saw me crying he came over to me. He sat down next to me and held me close to him, I placed my head onto his chest and cried. He ran his fingers through my hair.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“They abandoned me” I sobbed.

“Who did?”

“My family” I wrapped my arms round Jimmy and cried on him.

“What the hell did I do?”

“Shhh” Jimmy said while holding onto me and pulling me closer to him. After a few minuets I stopped crying. Jimmy started to clean up the broken glass.

“Shit” he said as he skimmed his hand on some glass. It started bleeding. I went downstairs to get some stuff to get the glass out and stop the cut from bleeding. When I came back upstairs Jimmy was sat on the bed with his back to me and head hung. I went and sat down beside him. Jimmy turned to face me, he looked pained.

“What’s wrong?”

He showed me the bottle of antidepressants, I looked down straight away. I felt extremely guilty about the matter and there was no point in trying to hide it anymore. I let out a sigh. I knew that Jimmy was shocked, worried and a little bit upset.

“Why?”

“Coz I can’t cope” I said still looking away from him.

“It never goes away” I looked him straight in the eyes.

“How?” I didn’t really want to ask why.

“I’m sorry baby” I held his hand.

“I’m sorry” I whispered.

I dressed his wound. After I did Jimmy threw the pills out of the window. I laid on the bed and Jimmy came and laid down beside me put propped himself up so he was looking at me.

 wow long chapter, hope you all enjot. sorry if its a bit boring and if you read it please may you put a comment coz i feel as though no-one is reading it anymore